As the years passed, all memory of the conflict faded.  The young soldier grew into a father and then a grandfather, with a great legacy of grandchildren.

One spring, a hundred-year flood washed through the village, uncovering the remnants of the forgotten war.  As the grandfather reminisced about his youth, his grandchildren were drawn to the rusty artifacts in his stories.

Suddenly, the peace was broken with an explosion!

The Cost of Landmines

Johnna Rizzo said, “At the end of the war the gun goes home with the soldier, but the landmines stay behind” (Johnna Rizzo).  Landmines are meant to maim, destroying the quality of life of all who are unlucky enough to disturb them.

Each landmine costs one dollar to make and place in the ground, and a thousand dollars to remove.  The financial cost, however, is insignificant when compared with the cost in human lives.

Princess Diana comforted children injured by landmines in Angola

This cost is what motivated Diana, Princess of Wales, to crusade against landmines.  As a mother, she could not see the shattered lives of maimed, orphaned children without being moved to compassion and fidelity.

“Fidelity is the faithfulness to a person, cause, or belief which is demonstrated by continual loyalty and support”  (Njord Kane).  It creates a sacred bond between two individuals.

The first relationship we experience, that which exists between mother and child, is based upon the virtue of fidelity.  Mothers have the power to shape the destiny of the world through the fidelity and courage they instill in their children.  One of the greatest lies ever told is that women need to move out of the home, away from the work of being mothers, before they can become powerful members of society.  This is one landmine, planted long ago, that has had devastating effects on our generation. Fewer honorable women focused on raising honorable children and building strong homes leads to weakened fidelity and weaker nations.

The Power of Fidelity

An example of the power of honorable mothers can be found in the story of Helaman’s 2,000 Stripling Warriors in The Book of Mormon (which contains a history of some of the people of the ancient Americas in the centuries before and after the birth of Jesus Christ).

It’s True, Sir, All Present and Accounted For, by Clark Kelley Price

A large group of Lamanites (forefathers of some of the American Indians) joined with the people of God, who believed in and followed the teachings of Jesus Christ.  Because of their sorrow over all of the lives they had taken in war before their conversion, they buried their weapons deep in the earth, with an oath to never again spill blood.

The greater part of the Lamanites came against them to battle.  Rather than break their oath, this group was prepared to lay down their lives.  Their children, however, had not taken this oath and wished to stand up and fight.  A group of 2,000 young men, still stuck in the lanky, awkward state between child and adult, volunteered to fight under the direction of a warrior named Helaman.

In Alma 56:47-48, Helaman described these young men: “Now they never had fought, yet they did not fear death; and they did think more upon the liberty of their fathers than they did upon their lives; yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them.  And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers, saying: We do not doubt our mothers knew it.”

Because of the fidelity of these Lamanite mothers, and their sons’ courage in following their words, “there was not one soul of them who did perish; yea, and neither was there one soul among them who had not received many wounds” (Alma 57:25). 

These mothers changed the world through the fidelity and courage they instilled in their children.  Mothers today have this same power!

A military officer working to disarm landmines in Iraq

The Danger of Spiritual Landmines

Like physical land mines hidden in the earth, spiritual land mines, such as claiming the insignificance of mothers, lay in wait for unsuspecting victims.

As the modern landscape of life shifts and changes, dormant landmines come to the surface, exploding at inopportune times, destroying innocence, ending opportunities, and changing the course of our lives.  Those who are maimed have a difficult decision to make, resolve to stay a victim, or become a warrior, like Helaman’s 2,000.  None of us need perish, although we receive many wounds.

Landmines that have been carefully planted in our group subconscious, explode years, even decades later. Ideas such as moral ambivalence, diminished self-reliance, and oath-breaking, lead to narcissistic societies which say that God is dead and that only the rational mind, supported by science, has any merit.  Intuition, comprising 98% of our brain function, is dismissed as insignificant and unreliable  (Marti Spiegelman).  We lose our ability to practice fidelity when we are unwilling to listen to our instincts.

Practicing fidelity indiscriminately, however, can be equally dangerous.  Fidelity, either forced or given, which is not based on merit, often leads us to make oaths that we have neither resolution nor intention to keep, leading to a society in which oaths have little meaning. “It’s vital to be careful to whom one professes loyalty…merit plays such an important role – if we profess our loyalty to just anyone who comes along, without them having merited our loyalty, what is our loyalty worth? Not much”  (Bernulf, Nine Noble Truths: Fidelity).

Other hidden landmines include using present-ism when viewing behaviors and decisions made by governmental, religious, and philosophical leaders of the past.  Discovery of weakness, mistakes, and outdated ideas in formerly trusted sources, using our current worldview, leads many to question their beliefs and leave them behind.

Why Many are Leaving Faith Behind

“Across the board (in LDS and other Christian Churches), approximately 1 in 3 Millennials are leaving the faith they were raised in for something else. For Mormon Millennials, that something else is generally a form of Atheism, and for other Millennials it is largely a mix of Atheism and Non-Denominationalism…No, crises of faith aren’t a Mormon problem. They’re a humankind problem, a civilizational problem. Faith itself is weakening in Western society”  (Dustin Phelps).

As I ask myself why faith is dissolving, I picture the human family, lost in distraction, buried under abundance, hiding from problems, with no real understanding of who they are and why they are here.

Because we have forgotten that we are in the midst of a great battle between good and evil, we unknowingly step on landmines, planted long ago, and are maimed spiritually and emotionally.  The quality of our inner lives is disturbed, leaving us feeling insignificant, anxious, depressed, and isolated.

The healing we need is not found in the latest trends in entertainment or thinking.  Like placing a small band-aid on a large, festering wound, searching the internet for quick answers will never make us whole.

Healing through Fidelity

Instead, we need to turn to the past.  We need to turn to our people.  We will find healing and joy as we practice fidelity and make a place for our families, living and dead, in our lives.  As we turn off our electronic devices, feast together, talk together, walk in nature together, share stories from our lives and those of our ancestors, our isolation and worries will fade.  We will connect and share wisdom that will help us tackle the challenges of modern living.

Author Chuck Palahniuk observed, “Until you find something to fight for, you settle for something to fight against.”  Let us stop fighting against each other, finding reasons to criticize generational, religious, and cultural differences.  Let us stop expecting others to conform to our views.  Let us stop criticizing ourselves for our worries and fears.

As we embrace the ancient virtue of fidelity, including being true to ourselves, we will turn the tide away from anxiety and apathy and toward joy and meaning. Let us start fighting for the virtues that bring us joy.  Let us show fidelity as we embrace the noble codes of conduct from our past.  Let us have the courage to share our vision and change the world!

My search has led me to the code of conduct they espoused called the Nine Noble Virtues, which is as relevant today as it was 2,000 years ago.

They considered Honor to be the greatest of these virtues, followed closely by Hospitality.  A candle burning in the window, on long, dark winter nights, signified Hospitality.  Weary travelers, upon seeing the light of the candle, knew they had found refuge.

One of my favorite comedians, Amy Poehler, said, “Great people do things before they’re ready.”  As the mother of an autistic son, my life is filled with doing things before I’m ready, things I don’t know how to do.  Learning of the reality of his situation, I felt the hopes and plans I had for him dissolve.

Regardless of my struggle, I had a choice to make: love him and include him in our family (knowing he would change everything), put him in his room every time he damaged something, hurt one of us, or hurt himself (which was most of the time), or try to find an institution for him.

Even though I didn’t know what to expect, even though his siblings and our extended family were apprehensive, I couldn’t do anything other than honor the love I felt and show him sincere hospitality.  I couldn’t be a mother and make any other choice.  My humanity was stronger than my fear.

The Need for Hospitality

French scholar Louis de Jaucourt describes hospitality as “the virtue of a great soul that cares for the whole universe through the ties of humanity”  (Louis de Jaucourt).  We, as a human family, have a choice to make: care for and include those who are different than us and need a place to rest, free from war, famine and political strife, or turn our backs on them, preserving our level of safety and comfort.  Is our humanity stronger than our fear?

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, also known as the Mormon Church, considers every person to be a child of God.  As such, we are one human family.  Mormon leaders issued the following statement after President Trump’s travel ban on seven Muslim countries:

“The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is concerned about the temporal and spiritual welfare of all of God’s children across the earth, with special concern for those who are fleeing physical violence, war and religious persecution. The Church urges all people and governments to cooperate fully in seeking the best solutions to meet human needs and relieve suffering.”

The first Latter-day Saint missionaries that arrived in Europe in the 1900’s relied heavily on the hospitality of my ancestors to survive as they wandered from place to place. Likewise, all those who traveled from distant lands to America came with little more than a hope for the hospitality of a stranger.

Mormon Preachers, First Missionaries In Denmark
Arnold Friberg (after Christen Dalsgaard, 1856). via lds.org

Before his death, Joseph Smith emphatically stated that he would willingly die defending the rights of, “a good man of any denomination…It is a love of liberty which inspires my soul — civil and religious liberty to the whole of the human race.”

Perhaps it is these beliefs that have led Latter-day Saints to be staunch supporters of human rights and religious freedoms.  Many of us share these feelings and want to help good people, of all races and denominations, who are in need.

The Dangers of Hospitality

Pagan John Beckett explains, “The ancient laws of hospitality called for sharing your best with strangers, but they made it clear no one was obligated to put his own household in jeopardy by doing so” (John Beckett, “The Limits of Hospitality”)

How do we share our best with strangers without putting our households in jeopardy?

Fear is a common thread throughout the modern human family.  In this digital age, we learn about hate-based attacks and sentiments almost immediately.  It is natural, and perhaps wise, to be concerned for the safety of our families and communities.

Many of us worry that bringing strangers, especially those with different backgrounds and beliefs, into our communities will lead to decay in the safety and well-being we enjoy.  A return to the ancient law of hospitality, in which guest and host honor the pledge to do good to one another and avoid all harm, would do much to alleviate these fears.

The Norse virtue of hospitality held requirements for both hosts and guests.  Hosts were asked to share their bounty, protect their guests from danger, and expect nothing, other than gratitude, in return.  Good hosts were known as good people.

Guests were asked to be polite, patient and accept what they were given with gratitude.  They were also asked to leave before they became a burden.  Verse 35 of the Hávamál, a book of Norse proverbs, states “You should keep moving, you should never be a guest forever, in any one place.  Your welcome will wear out, if you stay too long, beneath another’s roof”  (Jackson Crawford. Translation. The Poetic Edda).

Examples of Hospitality

Similar laws of hospitality were found among nearly all ancient cultures.  All understood that refusing hospitality to a stranger was the same as passing a death sentence.   Roads were dark and dangerous; Travelers risked harm from predators, animal and human, and harsh weather.  The Norse, Greeks, Celts, Hebrews, Egyptians, and Indians, among others, were known for their focus on hospitality.

Domiz Refugee Camp, Kurdistan February 2014. via The Reykjavik Grapevine.

Most of us don’t face these dangers when we travel today, but refugees that come to our shores have faced and continue to face them.  Will we turn them away or metaphorically “send them to their rooms”?  Or will we take them in and offer sincere hospitality?  A modern example of how to show hospitality can be found in “The Aarhus model” (Hannah Rosin).

An old Celtic fable tells of a young mother who heard a knock on her door one evening.  She opened the door to a band of rampaging robbers.  Even though she was afraid, she followed the law of Hospitality, inviting them in for food and rest.  They thanked her and went on their way.  The next morning, she found that all of her neighbors were dead, murdered by this band of robbers.  Because of her courage in offering hospitality to strangers, they had honored this law and spared her life.

My husband’s grandmother, Mary Mortensen, was a young mother during a time in American history when her husband had to hobo travel long distances to find work as a carpenter.  She was often home alone with their new baby.  They had very little.

Mary burned the candle of hospitality, never turning away the weary, wandering hobo.  She gave each a safe place to rest, in their barn, and the guest portion to eat.  She did this to honor the law of hospitality she had learned from her people…she did it with the hope that her husband might be shown the same hospitality.

Modern-day hobos still travel the country by train, like their early predecessors.  via Mauris Culturis

Hobos marked Mary’s house with the symbol of a good person that honored hospitality. They also left a warning not to do her any harm.

Her humanity overcame her fear.

Can we be more like grandma Mary?  Can we earn the mark of someone who honors hospitality?

Perhaps it’s time for each of us to turn back to this ancient virtue.  When our stores are full, we need to share with those in need.  When we find ourselves in need, we need to gratefully ask for and accept assistance.  As we build reciprocal relationships of hospitality, we lower the inherent risk of bringing strangers into our communities and homes.  We strengthen the “ties of humanity” and assist the “great soul” in caring for the universe, or, at least, our small part in it.  Our humanity becomes stronger than our fear!