Life is filled with tantalizing, sparkling things that we, like children at the fourth of July, desire.  As we seek after that which we desire, however, we often fail to turn the box over and read the warning.

Desire is dangerous; many of us choose to suppress desire rather than risk getting burned.  Large organizations within society encourage suppression as a means of risk management.  All who have fallen victim to this suppression know that, while keeping us safe, it does nothing to encourage living full and joyous lives.

Light Sparklers Only After Reading the Warnings

Each of us comes to this earth with innate hopes and desires.  This is by design, and is the intent of a loving God. Learning to light the sparklers we choose, after considering the warning on the back of the box, will protect us and those we love from harm.

In Hamlet, William Shakespeare’s character Polonius counsels his son, Laertes, “This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man.”

I submit that being true to ourselves involves honoring and following our desires, only after heeding the warnings given to us by a loving God.  As we turn our hearts and lives toward our Heavenly Father, accepting who we are and what we desire, vowing to do no harm, we will each find the path to a joyful life.  Although this path will look different for each of us, it will involve developing within ourselves the attributes that God possesses.  “Therefore, what manner of men [and women] ought ye to be? Verily I say unto you, even as I am” (3 Nephi 27:27).

God’s Accelerated Learning Program

I clearly remember the day, over 14 years ago, when I prayed, with the overwhelming desire to bless my family.  The clear response, “have another child,” came to my mind.  I was open to the guidance of the Spirit and began moving toward this goal.

After years of trying, left with a miscarriage, and no baby, I wondered if I had misunderstood the answer I received.  I continued to try, finally bringing home a beautiful baby boy.   I was sure that this child would bless my family.

As my son reached the 1 ½ year mark, I could tell that something wasn’t right.  My search for answers finally brought a diagnosis of autism.  I was heart-broken as I saw the future I had imagined for him dissolve into a foggy unknown.  I began moving through weeks and months, filled with uncertainty and frustration.  Our house began to resemble a battle zone, as he put holes in the sheet rock with his head, frustrated by emotions he didn’t understand and couldn’t express.  The burden of caring for him, watching his dad and siblings retreat to their rooms in avoidance, weighed heavily on my soul.

How could my desire, which resulted in a child with special needs, be a blessing to my family? Most people view autism as a curse.  After all, no one chooses to have an autistic child.

I hope that those of us who are burdened with similar struggles, in ourselves or those we love, come to know that a loving Father in Heaven has seen fit to place us in His accelerated learning program.  Will we have more homework?  Yes!  Will we feel completely unprepared?  Yes!  Will we advance through years of experience in months or even weeks?  Yes… as we accept God’s will and turn ourselves over to the teachings of His Spirit.  Our burdens will then become our greatest blessings. This is the design of the great architect; the last shall be first and the first shall be last (Matthew 20:16).  The burdened shall be blessed with compassion and understanding and the the blessed shall be burdened to remain in a state of ignorance concerning those who struggle.

God’s Accelerated Learning Program can teach us more in a short time than we would otherwise learn in years.

These difficult learning experiences with my son have changed my priorities, moving me away from the superficial and toward kindness and compassion for all of God’s children, especially those with special needs.  God has blessed me with children who have taught me many things, children who would, in their own way, each be considered on the margins of society.

Why Are So Many Of God’s Children On The Margins?

While autism is a very different struggle than same-sex attraction, mental illness, or addiction, all of these things often lead to marginalization.  Like my children, more people today find themselves in the margins than ever before.  Perhaps this is the way the great architect, our loving Father, reshapes and aligns society to His purpose.  He places what looks like a curse on our paths, which blesses us by expanding the boundaries of what we find acceptable, making room for all of God’s children.

Tom Christofferson, brother of L. Todd Christofferson, of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles in the Mormon Church, found himself in the margins of his conservative, religious society when, after a Mormon mission and failed marriage, he came out and told his family that he was gay.

Families who show unconditional love to all members, despite their struggles, can take away the sting of marginalization.

He was fortunate to have a family that valued their relationships more than portraying the image of the perfect Mormon family.  He explains, “Quite soon after I came out, [my parents] took an opportunity to express to my brothers and their wives their determination that nothing would be allowed to break the circle of love that binds all of us together as a family. As they expressed it, while none of us is perfect as individuals, we can be perfect in our unconditional love for each other” (Tom Christofferson).

The Church’s View On Gay Marriage

Misunderstandings have been circulating since the Mormon Church announced changes to “Handbook 1,” which contains instructions and policies for leaders of the Church, concerning same-gender marriage. The Handbook affirms that those “who choose to enter into a same-gender marriage or similar relationship commit sin that warrants a Church disciplinary council” (The First Presidency). This policy is not new and is not specific to same-sex couples.

While not recognizing gay marriage, the Mormon Church invites members to embrace all of God’s children.

Serious sexual sins, including adultery and sexual relations outside of marriage, especially when members have partaken of higher covenants, have always bought the possibility of excommunication, which is actually a first step on the way back to full membership.  Excommunication is a private matter, never publicized unless the person involved chooses to make it public. The Church has no form of institutionalized shunning.

Honorable members of the Church, such as Tom Christofferson, often ask for excommunication when they decide to follow a life path that goes against the teachings of the Church.  This type of decision takes a great deal of courage, and shows a deep understanding and respect for the gospel of Jesus Christ. Years later, when Tom chose to align his decisions with the teachings of the Church, he was re-baptized, returning to full membership.

The Church changed gay marriage from a sexual sin to a sin against doctrine (apostasy) to give legal protection to leaders, preventing them from being forced to perform gay marriages, especially within Holy Temples. Nothing about the disciplinary process has changed.

Similarly, church leaders have always been counseled against baptizing any child whose parents are opposed to, or who have a lifestyle that goes against, the standards of the Church.  Because of the recent legalization of same-sex marriage, Church leaders have expanded their policy to include gay parents in this group. Elder Christofferson, of The Quorum of the Twelve apostles, explains that the change in policy originates out of compassion, “we don’t want [children] to have to deal with issues that might arise where the parents feel one way and the expectations of the Church are very different” (D. Todd Christofferson).

Clark Johnsen, his boyfriend Matt, and Clark’s nieces and nephews.

Two formerly faithful Mormon gays, however, who still believe and support, but cannot fully live the standards, can have their children receive baby blessings, baptisms, and other ordinances, if they so choose.  Leaders are counseled to implement this policy on a case by case basis, relying on the guidance of The Holy Ghost.

Church doctrine, such as this, is consistent with the life and teachings of Jesus Christ. “The Savior’s love was never withheld from anyone and His words on the cross exemplify that. But, He also expressed love by teaching clear doctrine and standing firmly against sin” (Michael Otterson).  An example of this can be found in John 8:11, when he showed mercy by protecting, not condemning, the women taken in adultery, then telling her, “go and sin no more.”

Who are The Least of These?

Jesus Christ teaches us the importance of caring for those on the margins, such as the women taken in adultery, in Matthew 25:40, explaining that, “inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.”  Our job is not to judge others but to love them unconditionally.

Jesus Christ, who spent His time caring for “the least of these”, asks us to do the same.

To paraphrase Matthew 25:35-36, Christ describes “the least of these” as those who are hungry, thirsty, strangers, naked, sick, and in prison.  He speaks of taking in the stranger, which He always did.  Who are these strangers?   They are the lonely, outcast, lost, heart- broken, undervalued, and overlooked, in short, all who are in the margins of society.

True disciples of Jesus Christ (which all who are baptized within the Mormon Church covenant to be) follow His perfect example in caring for “the least of these.”

In Mosiah 18:8 of the Book of Mormon, the prophet Mosiah explains that all who, “are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light; Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death,” are welcome to be baptized and join with the people of God.

What better way to bear one another’s burdens, mourn with those that mourn, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, than to open our arms to those that are pushed to the margins of society?

Caring For Those Who Find Themselves On The Margins

Jeffrey R. Holland, along with President Thomas S. Monson and other leaders, invite us to care for those in the Margins of society and the Margins of the church.

Some claim that while members of the Mormon Church want to be more open and accepting toward all their brothers and sisters, including those with same-sex attraction, church leaders remain unwilling to welcome them.  In my experience, however, church leaders have followed the example of Him, to whose Church they belong, in showing compassion and understanding toward all who find themselves in the margins.

In the April, 2017 General Conference, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, compares all of humanity to the great choir of mortality, with the mission to sing the songs of everlasting joy.

Mormons marching to support the gay people they love.

He explains, “once we have accepted divinely revealed lyrics and harmonious orchestration composed before the world was, then our Heavenly Father delights to have us sing in our own voice, not someone else’s.”   He implores all who are struggling, “Above all, don’t abandon your role in the chorus. Why? Because you are unique; you are irreplaceable. The loss of even one voice diminishes every other singer in this great mortal choir of ours, including the loss of those who feel they are on the margins of society or the margins of the Church” (Jeffrey R. Holland).

These are the words of a true disciple of Jesus Christ!  Christ, “who cast a net over all types of people. The Greeks, the Romans, The Samaritans, and every other nation across the globe… even the worst of repentant sinners,” asks us to do the same (Greg Trimble). The only people excluded from Christ’s presence are the self-righteous elite, modern day Pharisees and Sadducees, who insist upon, “proper dress and grooming… careful observance of all the rules… precious concern for status-symbols… strict legality… pious patriotism (Hugh Nibley).  All who come to the Savior with a broken heart and contrite spirit are welcome!

Let us never make obedience more important than compassion!  Let us never concern ourselves so much with following the letter of the law that we ignore the promptings of the spirit.  Let us never be the reason someone chooses to leave our congregations and not return.

Let us welcome all who come through the doors of our meeting houses with open arms, especially those who on the margins of society and the margins of the Church.

The Mormon Church is not an exclusive country club, with a sign that reads “For Members Only, Dress Code Required,” it is a hospital, with a sign that reads “Visitors Welcome.

Perhaps we could expand this sign to read, “sinners, the heart- broken, those who feel forsaken, those who have wandered and wish to return, those who are in moral and physical bondage, those who feel shunned and unwanted, and all who feel broken, welcome”.

Diane Oviatt marches in Pride Parade to help,, “give young gay Mormons the will to go on, to stay alive.”

It is time for all members of the Mormon Church to stand up and show that each of our brothers and sisters, gay or straight, addicted or free, disabled or whole, discouraged or hopeful, faith-filled or doubting, is welcome to worship and heal with us.  We all have the job of caring for “the least of these” and ensuring that no one who enters will leave feeling worse than he did when he came.

Earthly Labels Distract us from Our Eternal Identities

Elder David A. Bednar, of The Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, was recently asked how homosexual members of the Church can remain steadfast in the gospel.  His response was, “First, I want to change the question. There are no homosexual members of the Church. We are not defined by sexual attraction. We are not defined by sexual behavior. We are sons and daughters of God” (David A. Bednar).

Ty and Danielle Mansfield chose to marry despite his same- sex attraction.

Ty Mansfield, a Mormon who has struggled with same-sex attraction, reiterates Elder Bednar’s words, “What if there is no “gay” or “straight” in the Eternal World and the spiritual ideals and identities of the kingdom of God… swallow up all of our social identity constructs that blur eternal identity? What if the more deeply we understand and feel spiritually connected to eternal realities and our eternal identity, the less meaningful any proximate, mortal identities or labels will feel to us?” (Ty Mansfield).

These words apply equally to any other circumstance that would place us on the margins of society.  My youngest son, while labeled autistic, is a son of God; a group of young people that I care about, while labeled homeless and drop-outs, are children of God; another that I care about, while labeled bi-polar and agoraphobic, is a daughter of God.

A Kingdom of Glory with Light Equal to the Light We have Received

The limitations and difficulties of this life will not always be with us.  On the day of our resurrection, we will be given perfect, immortal bodies and receive a mansion in one of the glorious kingdoms of God.  We will each receive a place in a kingdom which is filled with light and glory equal to the light which we have received. This is the original intent and design of the great architect, our loving Father.

All who accept Jesus Christ as their Savior, humbly using His atonement, will become whole, receiving a kingdom of glory equal to His light in their lives.

Dallin H. Oaks, a member of The Quorum of the Twelve Apostles,  explains, “The theology of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ is comprehensive, universal, merciful, and true. Following the necessary experience of mortal life, all sons and daughters of God will ultimately be resurrected and go to a kingdom of glory. The righteous—regardless of current religious denomination or belief—will ultimately go to a kingdom of glory more wonderful than any of us can comprehend (Dallin H. Oaks).

Any who claim that those with same-sex attraction, or others who are on the margins of society, will be placed in the lowest kingdom of heaven, or in outer darkness (equivalent to most of Christianity’s view of hell), do not understand the doctrine of the everlasting gospel.  Those who are deemed unworthy, or placed in the margins of society, are exactly like they Jesus Christ administered to while upon this earth.  He spent His time with the lepers, the sinners, the sick, and all of those who were considered unclean.    All who accept Jesus Christ as their Savior, humbly using His atonement, will become whole, receiving a kingdom of glory equal to His light in their lives.  Following the pattern of the great architect, these who are last will be first.

The Commandments we Can Keep

Tom Christofferson has, with great courage, broken through the barriers that exist between those with same-sex attraction and the Church.  When he felt the need to return to the faith of his youth, he and his long- time partner chose to begin attending their boundary ward, which accepted them with open arms.  Although not officially members of The Mormon Church on record, they were members of Christ’s congregation, the great choir of mortality, in spirit (Tom has since been officially re- baptized into The Mormon Church).

Tom Christofferson returned to his faith, building bridges between the LGBT community and the Mormon Church.

True to his faith in Jesus Christ, Tom reminds us to be, “consistently diligent in seeking out those who seem alone or uncomfortable in our wards and taking the initiative to make them feel welcome…first to utter the kind word; first to offer praise; last to criticize or find fault” (Tom Christofferson).

With Elder Holland, let us make the Church a place for “those who speak different languages, celebrate diverse cultures, and live in a host of locations… for the single, for the married, for large families, and for the childless… for those who once had questions regarding their faith… for those who still do… for those with differing sexual attractions. In short… for everyone who loves God and honors His commandments” (Jeffrey R. Holland).

Let us honor the commandments we can keep, join the choir, and sing the songs we know.  As we do, God will guide us to expand our vocal abilities, until we can sing even the most complex harmonies in the most sacred of hymns, those, “songs we cannot or do not yet sing” (Jeffrey R. Holland).

Let us prayerfully honor the spark of our desires, taking their fire, and igniting the sparklers of life.  Let us then authentically welcome our brothers and sisters on the margins.  As we do so, our light will, “shine before men, that they may see [our] good works, and glorify [our] Father which is in heaven (Matthew 5:16).

New Mormon and Gay Video: The Mackintosh’s Story, A Son Comes Out and a Family Loves

As the years passed, all memory of the conflict faded.  The young soldier grew into a father and then a grandfather, with a great legacy of grandchildren.

One spring, a hundred-year flood washed through the village, uncovering the remnants of the forgotten war.  As the grandfather reminisced about his youth, his grandchildren were drawn to the rusty artifacts in his stories.

Suddenly, the peace was broken with an explosion!

The Cost of Landmines

Johnna Rizzo said, “At the end of the war the gun goes home with the soldier, but the landmines stay behind” (Johnna Rizzo).  Landmines are meant to maim, destroying the quality of life of all who are unlucky enough to disturb them.

Each landmine costs one dollar to make and place in the ground, and a thousand dollars to remove.  The financial cost, however, is insignificant when compared with the cost in human lives.

Princess Diana comforted children injured by landmines in Angola

This cost is what motivated Diana, Princess of Wales, to crusade against landmines.  As a mother, she could not see the shattered lives of maimed, orphaned children without being moved to compassion and fidelity.

“Fidelity is the faithfulness to a person, cause, or belief which is demonstrated by continual loyalty and support”  (Njord Kane).  It creates a sacred bond between two individuals.

The first relationship we experience, that which exists between mother and child, is based upon the virtue of fidelity.  Mothers have the power to shape the destiny of the world through the fidelity and courage they instill in their children.  One of the greatest lies ever told is that women need to move out of the home, away from the work of being mothers, before they can become powerful members of society.  This is one landmine, planted long ago, that has had devastating effects on our generation. Fewer honorable women focused on raising honorable children and building strong homes leads to weakened fidelity and weaker nations.

The Power of Fidelity

An example of the power of honorable mothers can be found in the story of Helaman’s 2,000 Stripling Warriors in The Book of Mormon (which contains a history of some of the people of the ancient Americas in the centuries before and after the birth of Jesus Christ).

It’s True, Sir, All Present and Accounted For, by Clark Kelley Price

A large group of Lamanites (forefathers of some of the American Indians) joined with the people of God, who believed in and followed the teachings of Jesus Christ.  Because of their sorrow over all of the lives they had taken in war before their conversion, they buried their weapons deep in the earth, with an oath to never again spill blood.

The greater part of the Lamanites came against them to battle.  Rather than break their oath, this group was prepared to lay down their lives.  Their children, however, had not taken this oath and wished to stand up and fight.  A group of 2,000 young men, still stuck in the lanky, awkward state between child and adult, volunteered to fight under the direction of a warrior named Helaman.

In Alma 56:47-48, Helaman described these young men: “Now they never had fought, yet they did not fear death; and they did think more upon the liberty of their fathers than they did upon their lives; yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them.  And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers, saying: We do not doubt our mothers knew it.”

Because of the fidelity of these Lamanite mothers, and their sons’ courage in following their words, “there was not one soul of them who did perish; yea, and neither was there one soul among them who had not received many wounds” (Alma 57:25). 

These mothers changed the world through the fidelity and courage they instilled in their children.  Mothers today have this same power!

A military officer working to disarm landmines in Iraq

The Danger of Spiritual Landmines

Like physical land mines hidden in the earth, spiritual land mines, such as claiming the insignificance of mothers, lay in wait for unsuspecting victims.

As the modern landscape of life shifts and changes, dormant landmines come to the surface, exploding at inopportune times, destroying innocence, ending opportunities, and changing the course of our lives.  Those who are maimed have a difficult decision to make, resolve to stay a victim, or become a warrior, like Helaman’s 2,000.  None of us need perish, although we receive many wounds.

Landmines that have been carefully planted in our group subconscious, explode years, even decades later. Ideas such as moral ambivalence, diminished self-reliance, and oath-breaking, lead to narcissistic societies which say that God is dead and that only the rational mind, supported by science, has any merit.  Intuition, comprising 98% of our brain function, is dismissed as insignificant and unreliable  (Marti Spiegelman).  We lose our ability to practice fidelity when we are unwilling to listen to our instincts.

Practicing fidelity indiscriminately, however, can be equally dangerous.  Fidelity, either forced or given, which is not based on merit, often leads us to make oaths that we have neither resolution nor intention to keep, leading to a society in which oaths have little meaning. “It’s vital to be careful to whom one professes loyalty…merit plays such an important role – if we profess our loyalty to just anyone who comes along, without them having merited our loyalty, what is our loyalty worth? Not much”  (Bernulf, Nine Noble Truths: Fidelity).

Other hidden landmines include using present-ism when viewing behaviors and decisions made by governmental, religious, and philosophical leaders of the past.  Discovery of weakness, mistakes, and outdated ideas in formerly trusted sources, using our current worldview, leads many to question their beliefs and leave them behind.

Why Many are Leaving Faith Behind

“Across the board (in LDS and other Christian Churches), approximately 1 in 3 Millennials are leaving the faith they were raised in for something else. For Mormon Millennials, that something else is generally a form of Atheism, and for other Millennials it is largely a mix of Atheism and Non-Denominationalism…No, crises of faith aren’t a Mormon problem. They’re a humankind problem, a civilizational problem. Faith itself is weakening in Western society”  (Dustin Phelps).

As I ask myself why faith is dissolving, I picture the human family, lost in distraction, buried under abundance, hiding from problems, with no real understanding of who they are and why they are here.

Because we have forgotten that we are in the midst of a great battle between good and evil, we unknowingly step on landmines, planted long ago, and are maimed spiritually and emotionally.  The quality of our inner lives is disturbed, leaving us feeling insignificant, anxious, depressed, and isolated.

The healing we need is not found in the latest trends in entertainment or thinking.  Like placing a small band-aid on a large, festering wound, searching the internet for quick answers will never make us whole.

Healing through Fidelity

Instead, we need to turn to the past.  We need to turn to our people.  We will find healing and joy as we practice fidelity and make a place for our families, living and dead, in our lives.  As we turn off our electronic devices, feast together, talk together, walk in nature together, share stories from our lives and those of our ancestors, our isolation and worries will fade.  We will connect and share wisdom that will help us tackle the challenges of modern living.

Author Chuck Palahniuk observed, “Until you find something to fight for, you settle for something to fight against.”  Let us stop fighting against each other, finding reasons to criticize generational, religious, and cultural differences.  Let us stop expecting others to conform to our views.  Let us stop criticizing ourselves for our worries and fears.

As we embrace the ancient virtue of fidelity, including being true to ourselves, we will turn the tide away from anxiety and apathy and toward joy and meaning. Let us start fighting for the virtues that bring us joy.  Let us show fidelity as we embrace the noble codes of conduct from our past.  Let us have the courage to share our vision and change the world!

My search has led me to the code of conduct they espoused called the Nine Noble Virtues, which is as relevant today as it was 2,000 years ago.

They considered Honor to be the greatest of these virtues, followed closely by Hospitality.  A candle burning in the window, on long, dark winter nights, signified Hospitality.  Weary travelers, upon seeing the light of the candle, knew they had found refuge.

One of my favorite comedians, Amy Poehler, said, “Great people do things before they’re ready.”  As the mother of an autistic son, my life is filled with doing things before I’m ready, things I don’t know how to do.  Learning of the reality of his situation, I felt the hopes and plans I had for him dissolve.

Regardless of my struggle, I had a choice to make: love him and include him in our family (knowing he would change everything), put him in his room every time he damaged something, hurt one of us, or hurt himself (which was most of the time), or try to find an institution for him.

Even though I didn’t know what to expect, even though his siblings and our extended family were apprehensive, I couldn’t do anything other than honor the love I felt and show him sincere hospitality.  I couldn’t be a mother and make any other choice.  My humanity was stronger than my fear.

The Need for Hospitality

French scholar Louis de Jaucourt describes hospitality as “the virtue of a great soul that cares for the whole universe through the ties of humanity”  (Louis de Jaucourt).  We, as a human family, have a choice to make: care for and include those who are different than us and need a place to rest, free from war, famine and political strife, or turn our backs on them, preserving our level of safety and comfort.  Is our humanity stronger than our fear?

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, also known as the Mormon Church, considers every person to be a child of God.  As such, we are one human family.  Mormon leaders issued the following statement after President Trump’s travel ban on seven Muslim countries:

“The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is concerned about the temporal and spiritual welfare of all of God’s children across the earth, with special concern for those who are fleeing physical violence, war and religious persecution. The Church urges all people and governments to cooperate fully in seeking the best solutions to meet human needs and relieve suffering.”

The first Latter-day Saint missionaries that arrived in Europe in the 1900’s relied heavily on the hospitality of my ancestors to survive as they wandered from place to place. Likewise, all those who traveled from distant lands to America came with little more than a hope for the hospitality of a stranger.

Mormon Preachers, First Missionaries In Denmark
Arnold Friberg (after Christen Dalsgaard, 1856). via lds.org

Before his death, Joseph Smith emphatically stated that he would willingly die defending the rights of, “a good man of any denomination…It is a love of liberty which inspires my soul — civil and religious liberty to the whole of the human race.”

Perhaps it is these beliefs that have led Latter-day Saints to be staunch supporters of human rights and religious freedoms.  Many of us share these feelings and want to help good people, of all races and denominations, who are in need.

The Dangers of Hospitality

Pagan John Beckett explains, “The ancient laws of hospitality called for sharing your best with strangers, but they made it clear no one was obligated to put his own household in jeopardy by doing so” (John Beckett, “The Limits of Hospitality”)

How do we share our best with strangers without putting our households in jeopardy?

Fear is a common thread throughout the modern human family.  In this digital age, we learn about hate-based attacks and sentiments almost immediately.  It is natural, and perhaps wise, to be concerned for the safety of our families and communities.

Many of us worry that bringing strangers, especially those with different backgrounds and beliefs, into our communities will lead to decay in the safety and well-being we enjoy.  A return to the ancient law of hospitality, in which guest and host honor the pledge to do good to one another and avoid all harm, would do much to alleviate these fears.

The Norse virtue of hospitality held requirements for both hosts and guests.  Hosts were asked to share their bounty, protect their guests from danger, and expect nothing, other than gratitude, in return.  Good hosts were known as good people.

Guests were asked to be polite, patient and accept what they were given with gratitude.  They were also asked to leave before they became a burden.  Verse 35 of the Hávamál, a book of Norse proverbs, states “You should keep moving, you should never be a guest forever, in any one place.  Your welcome will wear out, if you stay too long, beneath another’s roof”  (Jackson Crawford. Translation. The Poetic Edda).

Examples of Hospitality

Similar laws of hospitality were found among nearly all ancient cultures.  All understood that refusing hospitality to a stranger was the same as passing a death sentence.   Roads were dark and dangerous; Travelers risked harm from predators, animal and human, and harsh weather.  The Norse, Greeks, Celts, Hebrews, Egyptians, and Indians, among others, were known for their focus on hospitality.

Domiz Refugee Camp, Kurdistan February 2014. via The Reykjavik Grapevine.

Most of us don’t face these dangers when we travel today, but refugees that come to our shores have faced and continue to face them.  Will we turn them away or metaphorically “send them to their rooms”?  Or will we take them in and offer sincere hospitality?  A modern example of how to show hospitality can be found in “The Aarhus model” (Hannah Rosin).

An old Celtic fable tells of a young mother who heard a knock on her door one evening.  She opened the door to a band of rampaging robbers.  Even though she was afraid, she followed the law of Hospitality, inviting them in for food and rest.  They thanked her and went on their way.  The next morning, she found that all of her neighbors were dead, murdered by this band of robbers.  Because of her courage in offering hospitality to strangers, they had honored this law and spared her life.

My husband’s grandmother, Mary Mortensen, was a young mother during a time in American history when her husband had to hobo travel long distances to find work as a carpenter.  She was often home alone with their new baby.  They had very little.

Mary burned the candle of hospitality, never turning away the weary, wandering hobo.  She gave each a safe place to rest, in their barn, and the guest portion to eat.  She did this to honor the law of hospitality she had learned from her people…she did it with the hope that her husband might be shown the same hospitality.

Modern-day hobos still travel the country by train, like their early predecessors.  via Mauris Culturis

Hobos marked Mary’s house with the symbol of a good person that honored hospitality. They also left a warning not to do her any harm.

Her humanity overcame her fear.

Can we be more like grandma Mary?  Can we earn the mark of someone who honors hospitality?

Perhaps it’s time for each of us to turn back to this ancient virtue.  When our stores are full, we need to share with those in need.  When we find ourselves in need, we need to gratefully ask for and accept assistance.  As we build reciprocal relationships of hospitality, we lower the inherent risk of bringing strangers into our communities and homes.  We strengthen the “ties of humanity” and assist the “great soul” in caring for the universe, or, at least, our small part in it.  Our humanity becomes stronger than our fear!